Global Warming, Global Schwarming

by Joseph Woodard, April 15, 1999; near San Francisco

Maybe you've noticed when you're going out
And driving your car or walking about
That the temperature's down or it's really hot.
Right in the middle it certainly is not.

Bonnie blue, bright and balmy, what a great day
Plum trees are blooming while palm trees all sway.
But tonight is predicted to cool quite a bit,
Thirty-five degrees lower the temperature will dip.

I don't understand how this indicates warming.
It feels to my ears like icicles forming.
I hear that Antarctica's melting away
while Iowa's buried. There's snow on the hay.

I don't think the world is warming at all.
The poles are just shifting around our big ball.
The South pole will end up in downtown Des Moines.
While Santa Claus thinks it's to Banglore he's going.

The motto is this: Don't give away clothes
Cause prediction's insist that you'll burn off your nose.
You need your cold gear if you live in Oswego
But not in Alaska or Terra del Fuego.